Marble Jars and Positive Discipline

Probably the most puzzling and certainly the most dreaded part of being a parent is discipline. We all hate it. We hate doing it, and we hate that there is a need for us to do it at all. 
But.
Let's be honest. Nobody's kids are perfect (certainly not mine). And from time to time we have to pull them out of the candy drawer, or off their brother, or away from the street...again, and plop them into time-out. It happens.  
Sometimes, when we're really busy or stressed out (or when they have ADHD plus a lot of other things plus a billion brothers and sisters), it seems to happen a LOT. 

I was getting really tired of all of the behavior issues we were having, and of how somehow I had become little more than a warden and a referee. 


So a few years ago, I re-vamped my approach. 


First thing, was to HAVE. A. PLAN. 
For the times when the kids were home, I needed to have something for them to do. There are tons of ideas out there for fun things to do with kids. Many of them don't cost any money and don't really take much on your part but a little bit of planning before hand. I was a teacher for quite a while, but for some reason, the idea of having a 'lesson plan' for our home time never crossed my mind. 
But let me tell you, it has changed things for us. 
All I do really is keep a list of projects, games, activities, books etc. (it's just one of my bookmark files) and add to it as I find things (I add stuff pretty much every day). Then, at night (I try to do this once a week, but sometimes I get behind and do it the night before... works either way) I pick some activities for the week (checking to make sure I have everything I need in the way of any materials) and just plop it into my daily to do list (I use teuxdeux.com.) Here's mine for today and tomorrow. 

THURSDAY

APRIL 14, 2011

• press here book pojcect
• finish red and orange bags
• call abt. gre in lit. when?
• Walking
• post organ to ebay
• groceries
• J- takes the car
• outside time - build a fort
• ch. breast caserole
• write up alchemist thing
• rave on

FRIDAY

APRIL 15, 2011

• Poem project with ink blowing
• LAUNDRY!!
• Walking
• Shrimp pasta
• bike ride
• family night

And that's it. Most days it isn't even anything particularly special. Just going for a walk, or playing outside with water tubs while the boys and I have a game of catch, or having a stack of drawing books from the library on hand when they get home from school with some notebooks and sharpened pencils... that's really all it takes. 
And they have a directed activity that isn't too stressful, and I was relieved of my policemama duties, and we're watching hardly any tv anymore, and everyone has a (mostly) peaceful time at home. 
It was crazy how well it worked. 


and then, Secondly, I came up with the Marble Jars. 

Essentially it's the same kind of thing they have in every elementary school classroom. You know, the kind where you get to put a bean in the jar every time you're caught being good, and, when the jar is full  you all get a pizza party... that kind of thing.


We don't do allowance in the traditional sense here at home, because it seems to devolve quickly into little more than paying your kids to do their chores. Which I think maybe gives them the wrong message. Instead, when they get their chores done for the day, or when they complete their homework without complaining, or have a tidy room at the end of the day, or practice their good manners at dinner - then they are allowed to put a marble into their jar. When their jar is full they are rewarded with something fun of their choosing. Sometimes they choose a toy, other times a trip or outing. And when everyone in the family has filled their marble jars once (or twice... we're working on our fourth filling!) we get to do something special as a family. Last time all the jars were filled, we went to LegoLand. 


So it's really just an incentive program to get them focused more on what they can do that is positive, rather than on how they're going to get punished for NOT doing what they ought. 


Here's what we give marbles for:
Room inspection - just before bed (no punishment if they're not clean... but also no marble.)
Homework - done quickly and cheerfully
Chores - the assigned ones, and any they choose to do on their own (I nearly fell out of my chair the first time Nancy volunteered to scrub the kitchen floor)
Good Manners at the table
Being helpful and kind




So really, that's what it boils down to. Being prepared, and giving them a reason to want to be responsible and kind. 
This has been working really well for us, but I'd love to hear your ideas. How do you keep the peace in your house?

Marbles and Manatees

-shawnacy

makin'stuff

this has been one of those weeks. in the middle of one of those months. 
one of the ones where there is JUST. TOO. MUCH. of everything. and nowhere near enough of the stuff you need in order to balance out all the rest of it. 


my solution?


make stuff. 


usually, i'd write, but since, at the moment, that's technically 'work' my brain tells me to shut that off and go cut and glue and sew and 'knid' and draw. 


so here's a little peek at what i've been doing when i'm putting off doing all the other stuff.




Repurposed Leg Warmers for Baby. 


i have had this blue turtleneck that i liked for the color and the softness, but HATED PAST THE POINT OF REASON for the turtleneck. i hate wearing turtlenecks. i feel like i'm being slowly asphyxiated all day long. sometimes i have trouble swallowing. or smiling. it's weird. but there you have it. turtlenecks are not for me. 


so, in a fit of frustration the other night, i decided to cut the turtleneck off and see how the shirt worked without it. 


it worked fine. :) 


i was about to toss the loathsome neck-piece into the trash with relish, when the crafty part of me whispered... why don't you make something out of that?


that whisper is hard to resist. 


so i've been wanting to make some leg warmers for Naomi for a while. "it's been a long, cold, lonely winter" as the song goes, and Namoi's poor little legs are chilly when she wears skirts or dresses. 


that ugly neck was destined to be cute legwarmers. 


so i cut the circle, so it formed a rectangle, and then cut the rectangle down the center, giving me two longer rectangles. (i wasn't sure how it would turn out, so i didn't take any pics of that part...)


but when i saw those two empty rectangles, i thought what a perfect opportunity this would be to jump into the lovely world of embroidery. 


not that i had any embroidery floss. or a proper needle. or a hoop... 
but it was just for practice anyway...


so i took out a sharpie and drew a little owl on one rectangle, and a teacup on the other. 


i'm not sure why owls and teacups should go together. but it seemed right at the time. 


the knit material was really thin and stretchy and hard to keep straight. 


this was how things looked at that point. 

also.. did i mention i don't have a sewing machine yet? well, it's coming, hopefully soon. but the lack of machine meant hand stitching the wrong sides together. 

i'm not the world's worst hand-stitcher... but i could be her understudy. 

this is how they looked after i'd stitched them up.

and because i like crocheting a whole lot more than i like hand-hemming, i decided these needed some crochet lace trim to finish off the bottoms. 

so i blanket stitched around the edges with the yarn, and connected the trim to the blanket stitch.

this is the ... 'finished' product. 

and here they are on the kiddo.

sorry for the horrible pics but it was a wiggly morning. she kept pulling them on and off and calling them her 'sockie-pants'

:)

they reach all the way up to her undies when they're pulled up, or can scrunch agreeably to any other size. i'll probably end up taking them in a little, as they tend to slip down after a while. she was asleep when i was making them, so i had to guesstimate on the size. 

but all in all, not a terrible project. probably a number of things i'd do differently for next time (like, use the right materials for the embroidery, have a sewing machine and measurements... etc) but for a throw-it-together-on-the-spur-of-the-moment project... well, Namo's legs are warm and cozy, so... mission... decently done. 

and because i got bitten by the embroidery bug, i decided to repurpose an old crib sheet that wasn't being used into some handkerchiefs for the kiddos. 

and homemade handkerchiefs just scream out to be embroidered. 

the first one i did, ... i used regular worsted weight yarn that i pulled apart to make a thinner string. it didn't work well. the threads kept ... just disintegrating. 

this was the first one, for Max. (he was the most keen on having his own hanky) 

still no sewing machine, so the edges are all unfinished. i was going to run around them with some pinking shears, but then i remembered, i don't have any of those either... grrr... i need a serious trip to the craft store. STAT!

i made annika's in the same way. she wanted a little kitty in the corner. 

and then i said, forget this, and sprang for a few bundles of embroidery floss, and a real needle. 

an owl and an octopus followed the cat.

and lastly, a little pink monkey, commissioned by Naomi. this one's not quite finished yet. 

oh, and i've been making these. 

56 delicious chocolate bomb cupcakes for Max's birthday tomorrow. they'll get decorated in the morning. 

these aren't shop-worthy, but the embroidery practice has been good, and so far the kids are pleased to get the results of my practicing. (especially with the cupcakes!)

what about you? 

what are you working on?

how do you drown your frustrations?

what new skill are you learning?

30 days of lists- day three

prompt for today: Things I'm Looking Forward To.


i'm a big forward-looker in general; goal oriented and looking toward the horizon. the problem comes when i forget to watch the path i'm on at the moment as well. 


i have a lot of long-term goals, and i think right now, i have a clearer vision of where i'm going and how to get there than i have in a long, long time. which is a nice feeling. 


now, if i can just manage to keep plodding on, day to day, and to keep the enthusiasm percolating. (and the coffee... enthusiasm and coffee. yes.)


and so... the list:

sorry for the poor picture quality. it's done in pencil, and didn't photograph well.


it says, 
I'm Looking Forward To:
*spring & planting a garden
*getting over this cold
*going back to school (yay!!)
*finishing school ;)
*publishing these books (three, currently in the editing process...)
*watching my kids be amazing
*being 73 ('cause maybe i'll be able to take a break then)
*Every. Single. Day. 


and in the little box:
*finishing projects
*breakfast! (i was hungry when i made this)
*getting to know all of you!




so what's on your horizon?




see 30 days of list's flickr photo group here.